OTHER WRITERS

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Here, I’ll name no names, not even the good ones, apart from Lee Child, but only for explanatory reasons. But I won’t name the good ones, because it will only highlight the ones I don’t name.

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Other writers are a funny old bunch, because every writer is scrapping for their own moment in the spotlight, and their job isn’t to put you in the spotlight in their place.

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The best way to think of other writers is that you have got a job in a workplace where hundreds of others work, but there are very limited places for promotion. In a workplace like that, you’ll meet all sorts of people, like:

  - The ones who are happy just doing what they’re doing

  - The ones who have been promoted and will do anything to stay at the top

  - The ones who have been promoted but remain decent people

  - The ambitious ones who’ll suck up to the bosses in the boardroom, and who’ll kick away the ladder as soon as they’re at the top table

The writing world is just the same, a broad church of differing personalities and ambitions. Like any community or large workplace, plenty of decent people, and plenty of arseholes.

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In their defence, what I would say is that the flaws are more forgivable with writers, as everyone is their own little business. The partners of local solicitors’ firms might spend a very convivial evening together at some swanky hotel bash, but they’ll crush a rival whenever they get a chance. Similarly, each writer has their own career, their own set of household bills to pay, so don’t expect too much from anyone, because you might not get it, despite the apparent bonhomie.

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And there is a hierarchy.

Back to the large workplace analogy.

You go to the Christmas party, and the bosses sit with the bosses, the ones who suck up to the bosses will sit close enough to get noticed, and the workers sit with the workers. It’s the same with writers.

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Go to any big event, and you’ll see that the big writers only hang out with the other big writers. The mid-listers congregate and bitch about the big writers. The small press hobby writers loiter round the big writers, hoping for a way in.

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And this was always the thing I didn’t like. Take Lee Child.

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I’ve never spoken to Lee Child. I’ve sat at an adjoining table, and I’ve seen him floating around at events, and he seems like a good guy. In fact, everything I’ve heard about him suggests he’s a really decent guy, but he attracts people like flies to a cream bun.

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I can understand the interest in people wanting to say hello to him, because he’s a great writer, but the main interest for some people was to somehow ride his coattails. “If I could just get matey with Lee, maybe he’ll tweet about my book, and talk about me, or even blurb me, and I'll reach thousands of people”.

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Maybe that was why I never spoke to him, because I didn’t want to be that person. After all, we do the same job. He just did it better and more successfully.

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Then again, people will do what they will do to get on, and you’ll be the same.

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Speaking of blurbs though, the author quotes that adorn the covers. Well, I hate to break it to you, but they are a con. If you want to work out the friendship groups, or who shares a publisher or agent, check out who blurbs who, and you’ll see reciprocated blurbs. I know of one very well known writer who replied with a blurb within an hour of being asked, even though they hadn’t read the book. They were helping out a friend, nothing more.

The exception to this is when a huge book is on the horizon, because then writers will be banging on the door to put their name on the cover.

Let’s say a well-known celebrity writes a novel, and I mean actually writes it, not the dancers and models who get someone else to do it, then turn up at their book launch without any shame. It is obvious the book is going to be huge hit, so you’ll see pages of pages of praise before you even get to the story. I’m not saying it isn’t deserving, but most of those writers haven’t given the blurb because they mean it. No, they'll have scrapped and fought hard to put their name in there, because it gets their name out there, into the consciousness of people who might not have otherwise heard of them.

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And it works. I bought a Tess Gerritsen book because I had seen her name on lots of other books, and assumed she must be successful, so she was worth a go.

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But the big writers assume that’s all you want, some kind of patronage or leg-up.

I’ve been in a group of writers in a pub, with some very well-known writers there, and I’ve tried to spark up a conversation, and some have regarded me as if I wasn’t there. The thing is that I wasn’t speaking to them because I wanted anything from them. It was just that they were on the other side of a pub table, and that’s what you do in a pub: you chat to the nearest person.

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Perhaps they were so wary of those looking to use them that they get too weary of trying to tell the difference. Or perhaps they were just arseholes.

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Or perhaps their success was because they were arseholes. What's that saying about nice guys always come second?

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I did an event once where I was interviewing a very successful crime author at a Waterstones branch, and afterwards he and his publicist took me for a meal, and the publicist's job appeared to partly involve travelling around with authors on promotional tours. I asked the publicist who was the worst author they had ever worked with, and without pause or hesitation they gave me a name that was a bona fide household name, extremely famous. They didn't explain why, but they didn't have to think about it.

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I'm not naming the author to protect that person, but rather to protect the publicist. I don't care about the author, as I'll never meet them. I don't write children's books.

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On the other hand, however, I’ve had conversations with very well-known writers who were really nice, and happy to chat. Perhaps it’s just like every other workplace: there are good people and there are arseholes, and all the ones in-between.

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I try not to be too harsh, but I know there are some writers I won’t read.

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But it's time to talk about selling your book. Click the link below.

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